me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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