you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
