READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
