literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i think i just lost a toe
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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