He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
