Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
