You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Jerry, you need to find god
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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