Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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