TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
