i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
