Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
