so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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