i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
