I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
