You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
