dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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