if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
