everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
