take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
