porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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