Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
