youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
