We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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