Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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