I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
