that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
