I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
send nudes
from the living room?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
