Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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