My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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