she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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