Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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