instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
