So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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