I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
