I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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