All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
