drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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