my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
