At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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