Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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