my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It's never too late to be topless.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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