True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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