That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
