my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
