"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
