I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
