i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
