I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
