I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
