I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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