So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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