i will never coherently bang her
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
