Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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