I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
