sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
