i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
