He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
