I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
