Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
