WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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