I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
