Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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