Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
